Finding Myself

This blog is all part of my journey to finding myself. I love getting to express myself and hopefully I can help others. I have this extremely strong desire to help others but I haven’t figured out where to focus that energy just yet. I’m hoping as I continue on my journey and discover more about myself I will figure out what I’m meant to do.

I’m on a journey to find myself because I completely lost myself in being a mother and a wife. I was so busy taking care of everyone that I forgot to take care of myself. Actually, by taking care of the family I essentially hurt my marriage. I know that sounds weird but it is so true. Even though I was playing the role of wife I wasn’t being present in our marriage. I didn’t know how to be present for my husband because I couldn’t be present for myself. I was just going through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do. I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t doing anything for myself.

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I got so caught up in being the “perfect” mom and wife that I lost myself. I was no longer Dana, I was mom and wife. All I did was take care of my family. I wasn’t a happy person and I know it can be hard to be around someone who is never happy.

The hubs used to be in a golf league at his old job and he does various other activities outside of the house. I had nothing. All I did was work, run errands, pick up the kids, cook dinner and clean the house. Now I’m slowly finding things that are more me. I recently bought a kayak and have been out a few times with my dad. That’s made me realize that I love the outdoors so I’ve been trying to find other ways to get outside, even if it means just sitting on the front porch or taking the dogs for a walk.kayaks_dogs

I also love to work out and be active in general but I’m struggling to find the time and my health sometimes gets in the way. A majority of my day is spent behind a desk which I’m not thrilled about but kind of hard to avoid. My perfect job would be something physical where I could help others and be outside.

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I started out strong with this part of my journey then I got busy being a mom and wife again and just got discouraged. I need to find ways to connect with other people and push for more “me” time. I don’t have much of a connection with anyone at work and the only other people I really ever spend time with are my husband and kids. It’s not that I don’t enjoy spending time with them but I also need a break every once in a while. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

I have tried a couple of Meetup groups but haven’t found what I’m looking for. How hard is to find a group of young moms who want a break from their kids!? If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

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So just know if you feel like I do, you are not alone. I know this may sound harsh but if you feel like you are starting to resent your kids or family, maybe it’s time to give yourself a break. And if anyone out there has gone through this and made it to the other side, please share your story.

Questions for you:

  1. How do you make time for yourself?
  2. What do you love to do?
  3. How do you connect with other people?

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1 Comment

  1. Hi Dana-
    You are so on the right track with all of this. I think the first giant step in any problem in life is to first recognize that there is a problem. And you have taken that giant leap – then what to do about it. From this blog, it seems you lead a very full life and not a minute to spare. I’ve never worked full time, but when I did it was a break from home; meaning that when I was home, I had so much to do it was crazy. So on a much smaller scale I can relate to you. Like you, I felt I never had any time for myself. What I found was a mother’s group through my church. This was so beneficial in so many ways – an outlet, friendships, time out if nothing else! I am also very “crafty” and I started taking painting classes at different places. Basically if it was still, I painted on it! This led to an organization that I joined in painting. But all of this evolved over years. It will for you too. It does take time.
    You recognize that you were going through the motions of wife and mother and you weren’t happy because you were always focusing on others, never you. In the first paragraph of this entry, you explain you are blogging to essentially help yourself, but…. You can’t help that wanting to just keep helping others. That’s not always a bad thing. God did put us on this earth to help each other, but it seems hard for you to just focus on you when you need it. You are loved and worth the effort of just working on you and no one else for a while! You deserve it. Take some time off of trying to help everyone and focus on Dana, and Dana only. Be selfish!
    You’ve talked about finding God in your blogs. My suggestion is to pray. By praying I mean talk to God. Often. Tell him what you are feeling, what you want. Ask Him to show you what He wants for you. Ask Him to open doors for you to show you what His plan is for your life. He knows all about you since the day you were born. He knows what’s best for you. Pray, pray, pray – then sit back and with expectant faith, wait for something beautiful to happen in your life!

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